red line, red line

i can not do this on my own
like everyday
i need your help
from a to b
and back again
tonight is no different
loyola bound
red line red line
take me fucking home.

other days...

centered
feet forward
ready to accomplish
refuge taken
dedicate the day
and i'm off

walk the dog
workout
eat
clean up
jerk off
not all in that order...

whats new?
nothing
that is a daily ritual...
exciting huh?

change, change, change
the monotony please.
living so carefully is making me too happy.
complacency is killing me.

My party side needs a drink
my healthy side needs a night off
irresponsibility is beckoning me
the night is long
aren't u thirsty?

some days...

some days...

Not as down outward
as i feel inward
life as a fascade
realization shows us the truth
i missed my twenties
being a poisoned youth

new days are dawning,
what choices will i make?
start conforming to the truth,
or continue to be a conforming fake?

i can take any direction now...
i am listening...
I AM FUCKING LISTENING...

as usual, i am on my own
no guidance
no suggestion
just live
day in day out
and if i fuck it up
i'll be there in the morning
ready to listen to the person
that offers the best advise
who learns best from failure
you guessed it...
me.

other days...

Dr. Buddhist and Mr. Partier

my war within
to stay mindful
to be spiritual
to quench my desires
to give in and have another

booze brain, booze brain
bashing through
crack another
slam another
fuck tomorrow
live today.

quiet down, mellow out
remember the precepts
sit and meditate
practice and reflect
everyone else
before myself

no balance
just the struggle
not good vs evil
only me vs me
my own worst enemy